The Impression of Confidence

Coming back to work after a much-needed week long break was a challenge. I started feeling the surge of negative emotions- the frustration, annoyance, seeming lack of autonomy, financial strain, dim outlook on both the current and future practice of medicine…So much was coming to the surface and, to be honest, I was starting not to enjoy being in this funk.

“You give me the impression of confidence.” These were the words said and then repeated by a neurology attending I had the privilege of working with last week. Mind you, I had never worked a neurology service a day in my life and yet this seasoned attending (a black woman who was heading the department by the way) was highlighting my sense of “confidence.”

This got me thinking…is this where I belong? I could give you a 101 reasons why I want out of medicine. Yet, I wonder; could it be that I am actually capable of making it?

I am convinced that through the clouds of despair, there are moments I can come up for air and see evidence that I belong here- God sending small reminders from unexpected sources that come at the most perfect time.

So, with all these small pieces adding up to build a collage with a unifying message, what is that I am hearing?

Maybe, despite the MANY obstacles, I am right where I need to be.

Maybe, somehow, I am finding my niche.

Maybe, I have a gift.

Maybe, I belong even when faced with both internal and external false truths attempting to convince me I am an imposter.

Perhaps…maybe…just maybe…I give the impression of confidence.

The confidence that comes after years of sacrifice.

The confidence that comes on the heels of building self-esteem outside of medicine.

The confidence that comes from doing inner work.

The confidence that comes with faith.

The God-given confidence to bloom in any place, in any season, in any circumstance.

The impression of confidence.

What do you hear? If were to affirm you in your journey right now, telling you how you express an impression of confidence, what would that inspire you to believe about yourself right here and right now?

Medicine isn’t for the faint of heart, so best believe if you have made it this far, you have earned the opportunity to express your confidence.

Never allow anyone or anything convince you aren’t built for this. Never allow anyone or anything to keep you from reaching for that goal or setting the groundwork for that dream.

Although the path of least resistance is to throw in that towel, perhaps maybe I have enough in me to keep up the good fight. And may you find the courage to do so, too.

Until next time…take care.