Sitting Under a Palm Tree

In medicine (and in life in general), I don’t think we talk enough about when to seek out help and support. Most of my life- even through my current journey in medicine- I am constantly hearing the loud echoes of the all too familiar mantra “strong black woman.”

This is the same mantra that has carried countless women through trying times while also carelessly adding the weight of loneliness and toil others ironically deem praiseworthy.

It’s so interwoven into how we move through life that we have grown accustomed to the thin straps of heavy bags digging into the flesh of our hands- of our hearts- full of responsibilities beyond what most would consider impossible, while we smile to hide the scream from our soul saying- I need rest.

The strong black woman. Hair done, make-up on point, speech so clear and “educated”- not a single thread out of place.

Strong black woman- standing in all her regency hiding the stifled cries that yearn for only one thing.

We hold onto this mantra and live by it because the cost of not doing so has proven to be too high of a price to pay; and, for some of us, we have been reminded time and again of how this world can be unsafe for us to truly be vulnerable.

I get it.

I resonate with the need to feel safe, the desire to prove I belong, the struggle to have my voice heard, and the seemingly insatiable determination to declare with undeniable proof to all the outsiders who will hear that I am worthy of this space.

I get it.

Yet, as a fellow black woman I am also here to tell you- you are inherently worthy, loved, cherished, honored, seen, spectacular, amazing, intelligent, healed, forgiven, freed, beautiful, and so much more (and that is just based on who you are irrespective of what you’ve done and what you do).

And while that truth is settling in your spirit allow me to challenge you to explore a whole new meaning of strength- one that is enriching to your life rather than one that drains all you have left.

Being a strong black woman means that while you know your stuff, it’s okay to not know it all. While you are disciplined to show up on time, it is okay to take a day off- without fear of retaliation.

While you are used to excelling at every course- no matter the cost- it is okay to ask for help in subjects that do not come as naturally for you.

While it is in your nature to always have a plan and stick to it, learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable as you learn to grow is spaces where life is happening in the middle of those plans.

Recognize that being a strong black woman means that you can simultaneously and unapologetically marvel at the realization that you are a work of art without having to bear to unrealistic expectations of others to appear “perfect” in eyes poorly qualified to recognize beauty in the first place.

Be open to trusting safe people, even after healing from the ones who weren’t, going through the awkward experience of growing with others because the distance you will go with real ones by your side will far exceed the trails you could ever walk alone.

Understand that your “no” is just as meaningful, powerful, and impressive as your “yes”; and you have complete authority to use both.

Remember that healing and restoration can happen in moments where you are reminded you are not in control, in moments where you are still, when the unexpected happens, and when you aren’t always focused on the grind.

Strong black woman= giving yourself permission to rest

Strong black woman= saying no to opportunities that do not serve you

Strong black woman= healing and growing

Strong black woman= living life that also embodies ease

Strong black woman= feeling your emotions

Strong black woman= showing yourself and others grace, love, and compassion

Strong black woman…that is you. While you are working hard in this life, also remember that strong also means leaning on those you have learned to trust from time to time while taking a moment to “sit under a palm tree”.

What “sitting under a palm tree” looks like for each of us may look different, but the point is there is plenty of room for you to rest too.

Strong black woman, chilling under a palm tree…hmm, I like the sound of that; what about you?